It's Raining Again
by Poppyseed
Summary: Ellie must face another tragedy in her life. Eventual EllieSean
1. Here Comes the Rain

**A/N:** This idea just came to me last night, and I had to post it.  I hope you all like it.  Please feel free to review!

            Ellie sat silently in Ms. Suave's office.  It had been weeks, but she still wasn't comfortable with therapy.  She could talk about events, but not emotions.  She wasn't ready for that yet.

            "So, your Dad is still gone?"

            Ellie nodded slightly and fidgeted with her braids.  "In Kabul.  Four more months until he's home."

            "How do you feel when he's away?"

            She continued playing with her braids, and stared out the window.  What kind of question was that?  What did it matter how she felt?  It didn't change anything.  Her dad would still be gone whether she liked it or not.  She would still be left alone with her mother, and her mother would still be drinking.  Life would go on, and it would be chaotic.

            "Ellie?"

            She was lost in her thoughts again.  Every counseling session seemed to play out in the same way.  Ellie was always a million miles away, but, somehow, still right there stuck in her own painful world.

            Ms. Sauve glanced at the clock and put down her notebook and pen.  "That's all the time we have for today.  We can continue this next week, okay?"

            Ellie stood up and absentmindedly nodded.  She grabbed her bag and headed out into the hallway.  She was glad to be out of there, but as she stared down the empty hallway, she realized that she had no where to go.  She sighed.  She felt so alone these days.  As much as she cared for Ashley, she just couldn't be there for her right now.  There was too much going on in her life.  And Marco was always too busy being with Dylan to take notice that anything was wrong.  Paige had shown compassion, but she wasn't a friend, not really.

            Deciding that she didn't want to go home yet, she started toward the Dot.  At least she could get started on her homework without having to listen to her mom get sick in the bathroom.

            Ellie chose a table in the far corner, away from the noise of the other students.  She almost wished she could be one of them for a change.  They didn't seem to have any worries or problems.  Of course she knew that wasn't true, but why did they seem so happy all of the time?

            She had just pulled out her History book when Spinner approached the table.  "Hey, Ellie, what can I get for you?" he asked while laying down a set of silverware.

            She shook her head.  "Just a water."

            As Spinner walked off mumbling something about never getting any tips, Ellie noticed Sean sitting at a table near by with Jay and Towerz.  She could not understand why he hung out with those guys.  They were such jerks, always giving Marco and Dylan a hard time.  She thought that Sean was better than that.  He had dated Emma after all, and she didn't seem the type to date a lowlife.

            She sighed and turned back to her History homework.  She had three chapters to read, and she wanted to get as much done as possible before she went home.

*****

            It was dark when Ellie left the Dot.  She had left Spinner a nice tip for his trouble, not that he had been that great of a waiter, but whatever.  As she approached her house she paused.  All of the lights were out.

            _'Great,' she thought, __'guess she's passed out again.'_

Ellie opened the front door and turned on the lights.  "Mom?  Are you here?"  She walked over to the living room couch where her mom had passed out, liquor bottles at her side.  "Just what I thought," she muttered.

            She was cleaning up the bottles when the phone rang.  Not wanting the noise to wake her mom, she ran to answer it.  "Hello?"

            "Is this the Nash Residence?"

            "Yah, who's this?"

            "This is Brigadier-General Joseph Schwartz.  I'm looking for Mrs. Nash."

            Ellie glanced at her mother, unconscious on the couch.  She cleared her throat.  "This is," she lied.

            "Mrs. Nash, I'm sorry to inform you of this," he paused, not wanting to say the words, "but your husband was fatally wounded during-"

            "What?" Ellie was screaming, not caring if she woke her mother. "No! He was on a peacekeeping mission!  That's not possible!"  There had to be some mistake.  They must have called the wrong house.  It was someone else's dad, not hers.  No, her dad was coming home.  He promised her.

            "Ma'am, I'm sorry.  There was a suicide bomb that went off not far from where he was patrolling."  He waited for her response, but there was only silence on the other end of the phone.  "Ma'am?  Ma'am are you still there?"

            Ellie reached up and put the phone back on the receiver. She couldn't believe what she had just heard.  Her dad, her escape, the one steady, normalizing force in her life, was gone.  He wasn't coming back.  She had just talked to him, and now she'd never hear his voice or see his face or be wrapped up in one of his bear hugs ever again.  She ran up the stairs as fast as she could, as the tears began to fall, and barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up.


	2. End of the Innocence

**A/N:** Sorry I've been gone for so long!  We just moved, so things have been hectic!  But I'm back now, and I should be updating more regularly.  Thank you so much to all of my reviewers.  I'm a little overwhelmed by how many I've gotten.  I'm glad you all like the story, and I hope this chapter is no exception.  This is just a short chapter to get me writing again.  The next chapter will be her dad's funeral, and it will be longer, promise!

Enjoy!

Ellie was laying in her room, staring at the ceiling.  She didn't know how long she had been there.  All she knew was that she never wanted to leave.  She wanted the floor to swallow her, to take her away from all of her pain.  She couldn't get her mind to stop reliving the last few days.  The phone call, the conversation with her mother, the funeral arrangements, the realization that she would never see her dad again, it was all too much.

_**Flashback**_

_            "Mom, there's been an accident.  It's Dad…"_

_            Her mom rolled over on the couch to stare at her daughter's face.  "What are you talking about, Ellie?  Leave me alone!" she spat._

_            "No! Mom, listen to me! Dad's gone.  He's, he's not coming home."  She choked on the words, barely able to get them out._

_            "How dare you make up such a story!"  The small glimmer of hope that Ellie had for support or compassion from her mother, faded before her eyes. "I won't stand for lies in this house," she screamed._

_            Ellie was unphased.  She was hurting too much already.  "He's dead mom," she cried.  "He's gone!"  Ellie sank to the floor and sobbed.  Her mother stared at her, disbelievingly, and then, as acceptance spread across her face, she left her daughter to cry while she fixed herself another drink.  Ellie had never before felt so completely alone._

_**End Flashback**_

            Her mother had gotten through the funeral arrangements by drinking constantly.  Ellie had gotten through it all by cutting.  She sighed, and rolled up her shirt sleeve.  Cuts of all sizes and in all states of healing littered her arm.  She knew her legs looked the same, but she didn't know how else to deal with this.  It wasn't just the thought of her father being dead.  It was the permanence of the situation.  When she thought about NEVER seeing her father again, and ALWAYS being alone with her mother, it felt as if the sky were pushing down on her body while the ground was pushing up.  As if she were about to explode from the pressure of everything around her.  

            She reached to her nightstand and grabbed her razor blade.  She didn't even hesitate as she pressed it against her skin and pulled back, watching the blood bubble to the surface and then run down her arm.  This was her release.  This was the only thing that could relieve the pressure she felt.  Instantly, she felt lighter.  Her body was numb, blocking out the pain, if only for a short while.


	3. Dead Man's Party

"Eleanor, sit up straight!" her mother hissed at her.  

Ellie didn't look up, she just did as her mother told her.  They were sitting in the funeral home.  In front of her, her dad was laid out in his casket.  Ellie knew that at any moment friends and family would start arriving.  Soon, she would be surrounded by people asking how she was doing, but not really knowing how to approach her or what to say to her.  She wasn't sure if she could stand it.

Her mother stood up, heading towards the restroom to "freshen up."  Ellie knew that was just her mother's way of saying she needed a drink.

Alone in the room, Ellie approached her father's casket.  She kneeled down in front of him, wanting to look at his face one last time, but the casket was closed.  She couldn't see his face.  She was stuck in front of a box, trying to hold back her emotions.  This is what her father's life had become – a box in a room.  She was so angry!  And she felt guilty for being angry.  Why had he left her?  He had promised that he was coming back!  It took all Ellie had not to scream out, not to cry.  She had to hold herself together.

She squeezed her left arm, where she had cut herself earlier that morning.  She needed the pain to get herself through this.  As the cuts began to sting, she felt herself relax.  The physical pain began to block out her emotional pain.  

Ellie stood, as she heard voices behind her.  People were starting to arrive to pay their last respects.  She needed to take her place at her mother's side, and play the role of the good daughter.

_'I can do this,' she thought.  'I can do this.'_

Ashley, Marco, and Paige were some of the first people to show up.  They must have all come together. Marco and Paige looked unsure of themselves as they approached Ellie.  Ashley was good in situations like these.  She was always mature beyond her years.

Without a word, Ashley leaned in and hugged Ellie.  "How are you?" she asked.  Ellie blinked back tears and wondered how many times she would hear that phrase today.

Ellie nodded.  "I'm doing okay."  She hoped her voice sounded convincing.

"Do you need anything, hun?" Paige asked, following Ashley's lead and hugging Ellie.

_'Yah, I need to have my dad back,' she thought._  "No, I'm okay.  Thanks though."

Marco was the last to hug her.  "I'm so sorry Ellie."

She nodded again.  "It's okay."

The group stood there, awkward silence falling between them.  

"How's your mom holding up?" Ashley asked, breaking the silence.

Ellie painted on a fake semi-smile.  "She's doing okay, considering."

"At least you have each other to get through this," Marco pointed out.

Ellie couldn't even respond.  Her heart felt like it was going to explode.  No one understood.  How could they?  "Would you excuse me for a minute?   My grandma just walked in, I need to go say hi."

The group nodded their consent, and headed towards Mrs. Nash to pay their respects.  Ellie took the opportunity to duck outside.  She needed to get away from everyone for awhile.

She started walking.  She didn't know where she was going, and she was wishing she would have brought her jacket along.  She walked along until she reached the park, and sat down on one of the benches.  She was half-heartedly watching a guy in the distance shoot hoops, when he lost control of the ball, and it came rolling in her direction.

It stopped just short of her feet, and she picked it up.  The lone figure was jogging up to her, and as he approached, she recognized him as Sean Cameron.

"Hey, sorry about that," he said, reaching for the ball.

Ellie had been crying, and couldn't manage to get any words out in response, so she just nodded, something that she had been doing a lot today.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

She reached up and wiped away her tears.  "Yah," she lied, plastering on her fake smile, "I'm fine."

"If that's fine I'd hate to see what bad looks like."  He studied her for a minute.  "Ellie, right?  Ellie Nash?"

"That's me."  She shivered.  She really should have brought her coat.

"What are you doing out here all dressed up?"

"My dad died.  I'm supposed to be at the funeral home, but I just had to get out of there. I just couldn't -"  She stopped, as the tears threatened to fall again.

Sean peeled of his sweatshirt and handed it to her.  "Here, put this on, you must be freezing."  She did as he told her and almost instantly the shivering stopped.  "Sorry to hear about your dad."

"It's okay."

He shook his head.  "No it's not.  But I can't say anything to bring him back or make you feel better, so I'm sorry."

Ellie stared up at him.  Maybe someone did understand after all.  That was the first honest thing she had heard anyone say to her since her dad died.  "I should be getting back."  She started to remove his sweatshirt, but he reached out and stopped her.

"No, keep it.  Give it back to me some other time."

"Thanks, Sean."

He nodded.  "See you around, Ellie," he called out as he headed back to the courts.

Ellie stood and stared after him for a minute, then hurried back to the funeral home.

***

            Ashley was waiting for her when she walked in the doors of the funeral home.  "Where have you been?  Your mom's looking for you."

            Ellie quickly peeled off Sean's sweatshirt.  "I just had to get out for awhile."

            Ashley's face immediately melted into concern.  "I know this must be hard for you."

            Ellie didn't respond.  She just followed Ashley back into the crowd of people, and began her act all over again.  It was easier this time.  She kept thinking of Sean.  How he had understood.  Maybe she was wrong about him, maybe he was a nice guy after all.


	4. All Cried Out

**A/N**: Once again, I apologize for the long wait between updates. Thank you to all of my reviewers for keeping me motivated!

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That night, Ellie sat alone in the TV room, listening to her mother sobbing and puking in the bathroom. The funeral had been awful for both of them. Her mother did her best to put on a show, but Ellie knew that she had been sneaking drinks all day. It was no wonder she was throwing up now. Ellie was disgusted. She needed to get away, to get some fresh air.

She grabbed the sweatshirt that Sean had given her, and stepped out on the front porch. Only she wasn't alone. "Paige?" What are you doing here?"

Paige had been startled by Ellie's sudden appearance on the doorstep. It took her a few seconds to regain herself. "I was worried about you. You took off at the funeral home and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Ellie sat down on the front steps and Paige joined her. "I'm okay Paige."

"No you're not. You're a mess."

Ellie sighed. Paige was right and she knew it. "Sorry, I guess I'm just used to saying what everyone wants to hear."

Paige smiled, a rare, genuine smile. "Hon, you don't have to pretend in front of me. If you're not okay, just say so."

Ellie couldn't stop the tears now. They were pouring down her face and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Paige reached over and put an arm around her. They sat there for a long time, not saying anything. Ellie was grateful for the silence.

When the tears had finally stopped, Ellie wiped her face with her sleeve. "Thanks Paige, I needed that."

Paige nodded, unsure of how to approach the topic that she was most concerned about. "Um, how are you doing, you know, otherwise?"

"I haven't cut, if that's what you're asking," Ellie lied. "I've been talking to Ms. Sauve, and actually my mom might get me in to see a therapist. Said it might be good for both of us."

Paige let out a sigh of relief. "That's so good, Ellie." She paused. "You know you can talk to me whenever you need to, right?"

Ellie nodded. She wanted Paige to leave. She couldn't bear the guilt of lying to someone who cared so much about her, but how could she ask her to leave after crying on her shoulder for the last half hour?

Luckily, Ellie didn't have to worry about that. "Well, I should get home before it gets too late. Are you gonna be okay?"

Ellie nodded. "Thanks," she whispered.

"That's what friends are for, hon." And with that, Paige stood up and headed home, leaving Ellie alone with her thoughts on the porch.

Ellie had never before felt so cried out. She felt as if words hadn't even been invented to describe the way she was feeling right now. Her chest felt hollow and her heart ached. It felt like an elephant was standing on her chest, restricting her every breath. The thought of going back inside and listening to her mother made her stomach lurch. She needed to get out of here.

She set out at a quick pace, not sure where she was going. It was the second time that day that she found herself wandering aimlessly. It was starting to get dark, and she knew she didn't want to be outside by herself much longer.

She made a quick decision, and before she knew it, she was knocking on the door to Sean's apartment.

It was a few minutes before anyone answered the door. A tall, blonde man with a goatee stood before her. This must be Sean's brother. She spoke, before her courage could give out. "Um, is Sean here?" she asked quietly.

He stared at her for a minute, before moving aside and inviting her in. Sean was lying on the couch, watching what appeared to be _The Godfather_ movie on tv. He looked up only when his brother called his name. "Sean, visitor."

Sean sat up and was surprised to see Ellie standing in the doorway, looking haggard.

Tracker was staring at the two of them, confused. "Aren't you gonna introduce me?"

Sean was up, already leading Ellie back out into the hallway. "Later, Tracker." He didn't speak until they were out of the apartment. "Sorry about that. We'll have a bit more privacy out here."

Ellie nodded, not sure what to say. Why had she come here? This was a mistake. She turned to leave, but Sean caught her arm. "Don't go." She flinched, but Sean didn't notice. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry to just stop by. I…I looked up your address…I don't know what I'm doing here. I just couldn't be at home any longer."

Sean just nodded. "We were just watching a movie. Do you want to come in?"

She nodded and was soon embraced once again by the warmth of the apartment. "Tracker, this is Ellie. She's gonna hang out for a bit."

"Nice to meet you Ellie." He smiled. "Have you ever seen _The Godfather_?"

She shook her head.

Sean was dumbfounded. "Are you serious? Tracker, rewind it. She has to see this from the beginning."

Ellie was led to the couch and was soon in the midst of a movie lesson dictated by Sean and Tracker. She smiled. This was exactly the distraction she was looking for.


	5. Under the Stars

**A/N:** Here is the long awaited update. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers!! I can't tell you how much it means to me to see that people have actually taken the time to review. Hope you enjoy this chapter…

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Ellie didn't make it through the movie. She was asleep in less than an hour. It had been so long since she had a good night's sleep. 

As she slept, Tracker pried Sean for information. "So, who exactly is this girl?"

He shrugged. "Just someone I go to school with. Her dad just died, so she's kinda messed up right now." He glanced over at the sleeping girl, sprawled out on his couch, her feet dangling off the side. "I guess she just needed to get away."

"Should we call her mom or something? Let her know she's okay?"

Sean shrugged again. "I dunno. I'd just let her be."

Ellie was awoken by the voices. She sat up and stretched, slightly embarrassed. "It's okay you guys," she said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sure my mom hasn't even noticed I'm gone. She was nearly passed out when I left."

Neither Sean nor Tracker responded right away. They knew the scenario all too well from their own parents.

"Well, you can crash here if you want," Sean finally added. "You can sleep on the couch."

She nervously tugged on her shirt sleeves. "Are you sure?"

Tracker nodded. "Absolutely. Let's get you a pillow and some blankets."

Sean stood up and headed to his room. "I can find you something to sleep in."

Less than half an hour later, Ellie was lying on the couch that had been made up into a bed for her, and was sporting an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of Sean's sweatpants. She was so grateful to be away from home, even if it was for just a little while.

But as the silence and the darkness of the apartment surrounded her, Ellie found she couldn't sleep. She was restless, thinking of her dad and what her life would be like now that he was gone.

Quietly as she could, she got up and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water. She was still searching for a glass, when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Can't sleep?"

Ellie jumped, and turned around to face Sean. He was shirtless, wearing just a pair of basketball shorts. His hair was messy, and he looked very tired.

"I just needed a glass of water."

Sean reached into the cupboard directly behind her and pulled out a glass. He turned on the faucet and filled the glass with ice cold water. "Here."

She managed a small smile. "Thanks."

Sean couldn't help but notice her hands shake as she drank the water down as quickly as she could. "How 'bout a walk? I couldn't sleep either, I thought some fresh air…"

She knew he was lying, but was grateful for his offer. She nodded. "Sure. Fresh air sounds good."

"'Kay, just let me grab a shirt."

Soon the pair was out in the cool night air, Sean's muscular abs now covered by an old t-shirt and his hair hidden under a skull cap. There was no hiding the sleep in his eyes though..

They walked in silence for what seemed like a very long time until they reached the park. Sean stopped and sat down under a large oak tree near the edge of the playground.

"Sorry, I need a break."

"We haven't walked that far."

"Yah, well, it's cold out here."

"You should be wearing a sweatshirt," she teased as she sat down next to him.

He grinned. "I would be, but I lent it to some chick."

She blushed. "Oh. Sorry."

"Relax, I'm just kidding."

She didn't respond – she wasn't sure what to say. Instead, she stared up at the night sky, mesmerized by all the stars.

Sean studied her. She looked so strong, so thoughtful. Not knowing what else to say, he pointed up at a group of stars. "That's the Big Dipper."

She turned to where he was pointing. "There?"

He nodded. "And if you follow those stars," he pointed again, "you can see Polaris and the Little Dipper."

She stared at him, amazed. "How do you know all that?"

He shrugged. "I loved stars when I was a kid. Tracker used to take me to the library and we'd get a book on constellations, then go out and try to find them in the sky."

She smiled. "I loved unicorns when I was a kid." She laughed. "I guess that's not quite as impressive."

He studied the sky for a moment, then once again pointed. "There. That's the unicorn constellation according to mythology. Menoceros."

Ellie was amazed. She had never imagined Sean to be so – she wasn't sure what. He was just very different than what she expected.

"We should get back," Sean interrupted her thoughts. "Don't want Tracker out hunting us down."

They stood, and began a quiet walk home. Just before they reached Sean's apartment, Ellie leaned over and whispered a quick, "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For everything." She smiled at him. "For understanding." She reached over and slipped her hand into his, and they walked the rest of the way home in silence.

To be continued...


End file.
